


Daydream

by Luki



Category: Bleach
Genre: (of sorts), Alternate Universe, Gen, Suicide Attempt, de-aged character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-01-22 02:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12471680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luki/pseuds/Luki
Summary: After defeating Aizen, Ichigo finds himself waking up to a very different reality.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Needed to write something that wasn't KHR, and this idea has been banging on my head recently. Please note, I haven't read or watched Bleach in literally years, and most of my recent knowledge comes from fanfiction so...bear with any obvious canon mistakes.
> 
> Hopefully will be continued, but I’ve mostly got ideas rather than a plot right now.
> 
> Warnings for attempted suicide (sort of - character doesn’t think they’ll die when they do it, but still deserves the warning)

_“It’s working!”_

_“It does appear to be neutralising the effects._

Ichigo winced, trying to ignore the voices surrounding him.

After he’d collapsed from defeating Aizen, Ichigo had found himself floating in a hazy blackness.  The voices of Zangetsu and his hollow were gone, and he’d never realised just how empty it was without them.

It could have been minutes, it could have been years, but eventually Ichigo found the sea of nothing ebbing away, blurry noises turning into voices that sounded slightly familiar.

_“If these results are right, he should wake up in the next hour.”_

_“Oh Ichigo, my baby boy…just wait a little bit longer.”_

_“Lady Shiba, I need you to wait outside while we administer the last dose.  Your husband has been contacted and is on his way.”_

Ichigo groaned, the darkness fading away and his senses returning with painful clarity.

Damn, Unohana must have him on some good stuff.  That second voice had sounded almost like his mother.

It took a ridiculously long time to open his eyes – it felt like they’d been welded shut – and when he finally did, the light from the room had him slamming them shut again.  The next time he tried, he managed to endure it, and tried to sit up.

He regretted it almost instantly.  His arms collapsed under his own weight, crashing back onto the pillow. 

What was going on?  He’d expected to wake up in agony, but instead he just felt…weak.  His arms were more like noodles, and his chest was heaving just from that small act. 

Just how long had he been asleep for his muscles to atrophy that badly?

“Good afternoon Ichigo.”

He jerked his head in the direction of the voice.  Unohana was watching over the bed, a pleased smile on her face.

“I must say it’s a great pleasure to see you awake,” she said.  “And I’m not the only one.”

“Unohana?” Ichigo croaked.  “What happened?  How long was I out for?”

His eyes widened at the sound of his voice.  Even with a dry throat, that was terrifyingly high.

“A very long time Ichigo” Unohana told him.  “But there’s someone here who has been waiting just as long to see you again.”

She moved towards the door, opening it and speaking to whoever was waiting outside.

“He’s awake, are you ready to see him?”

Ignoring the frailness, Ichigo forced himself into a sitting position, trying to see who Unohana was talking to.  He assumed it would be Rukia or Renji – but those musings immediately fled his head when he finally got into position and actually got a good look at himself.

This is **not** his body.  At least…it hasn’t been for almost a decade.  He’s short, and his arms are soft and chubby, lacking any kind of muscle.  This isn’t the body of a warrior.  It’s not even the body of a teenager.

It’s the body of a child.

“Ichigo…oh Ichigo…”

He looks up, and freezes.

It’s his mother.  Wearing a kimono he’s never seen, but her face is exactly the same as it was that rainy night.

Her hands are covering her mouth, eyes brimming with unshed tears.  Before Ichigo can process what he’s seeing, she moves – arms wrapping around him and hugging him tightly.

“My baby boy!” she sobs.  “I’m so sorry.  I never should have left you alone – I swear, I’ll never let you out of my sight again!”

“I think that might be a bit of an over-reaction Lady Shiba” Unohana added, as his mother reluctantly pulled away.  She smiled, eyes still wet as she brushed a hand through his hair, and paused when she took in the shocked look on Ichigo’s face.

“Ichigo, what’s wrong?” she asked, pulling away as Ichigo shook his head.

“No…”

His mother frowned.  “No?  No, you’re not okay, Ichigo what-”

“I said no!” Ichigo snapped, head shaking furiously.  “I don’t believe this!  I don’t believe any of this!  You’re not real!  I’m not falling for this Aizen!”

The illusion’s face fell, and her hands reached for him again. 

“Ichigo, what are you-“

“Don’t touch me!”

He slaps them away, and Unohana pulls the illusion back.

“Maybe it’s best if you gave him some space.  Come with me Lady Shiba.”

She was clearly reluctant, but the illusion of his mother let herself be guided out the room while Ichigo tried to push back the panic attack that was threatening to bubble to the surface.

Dammit, when had Aizen hit him?  How had he hit him?  His shikai was a frustrating nightmare, but Ichigo was pretty certain it wasn’t capable of this level of hypnosis. 

Unless…was this Aizen’s bankai?  The ability to trap someone in a false world?  But then when had it started?  Aizen was down for the count when he blacked out, so it must have been during the fight.

In that case…

‘Zangetsu?  Old man, are you there?’

His heart sank when he failed to hear an answer.  So, sometime after Ichigo thought he’d cut Aizen down, but before Kisuke showed up. 

Is he unconscious in the real world?  Or are his allies just watching him in horror?  Was that illusion of his mother really someone else?

He has to get out of here.  Find somewhere isolated and _fix_ whatever this is.

With a quick glance at the door, he yanks off the blanket and heads straight for the window.  Or at least he tries to – he’d forgotten his apparent shrinkage and misjudges the landing.  But even if he had, it would have been the least of his issues - his legs buckle and he crashes to the ground, not even attempting to support his weight, and he cracks his chin on the ground.

He curses and curls into the foetal position, hands clutching it tight.  Dammit, pain is apparently the one thing he _can_ rely on right now.  There’s a big surprise.

Focus Kurosaki.  If it hurts, bite down and use the adrenaline to get the job done.  You’ve done it before, you can do it again.

It takes a ludicrous amount of effort, but he struggles to his feet and stumbles to the wooden slats.  They’re locked, but he’s still tall enough to tilt the lock if he stands on his tiptoes.   Once they’re pushed open, he’s hoisting himself over the windowsill, and crashes to the ground.  He doesn’t have time to catch his bearings – once he’s out, he’s half running, half crawling towards the exit.  By this point he knows the medical district like the back of his hand.

Or…he thought he did.  Some of these buildings aren’t where he remembered, and he collapses when he turns the final corner and sees a wall where there should be an exit.  Before he can even process that, an alarm starts blaring from the hospital, and Shinigami start emerging from buildings.

Ichigo throws himself down a street and through the first open door he can find.  It ends up being some kind of kitchen area, thankfully empty, and he slides down the wall in exhaustion.  This body is pathetically weak, and it’s becoming clear the ‘Shinigami’ will find him sooner rather than later.  And since he still doesn’t understand if this is all a dream or a fantasy pasted onto reality, he needs to figure out a plan fast.

Okay, if this is an illusion of Aizen’s, there’s no way to break it.   He might still be awake, which would explain why his memory of the division doesn’t match where he’s walking, and the fight with Aizen had put his body through the ringer, which could explain why his body just _will not work_ , but it could also just be lucid dreaming – if Aizen had the power to overlap an entire **world** with his bankai, the soul society would have lost the war before it ever started.  Every Shinigami in the Soul Society would have been his puppet – it makes far more sense that he’s unconscious and dreaming this whole thing while Aizen tries to get away.

He glances over at the kitchen drawers.

And if this is just a bankai-induced dream, maybe he can break it like one.

Outside, voices are starting to call out, and he crawls over, not wasting the time trying to stand.  The second drawer reveals exactly what he’s looking for, knives sharp enough to pierce bone.  He grabs the lightest one – the only handle that doesn’t have his hand shaking from the weight, and pulls back the sleeve of the medical outfit.

He makes to cut…but his hand hesitates at the sight of the skinny, pale flesh.

‘It’s not real’ Ichigo hisses to himself.  ‘It’s just a dream.  It **can’t** be real.’

Still, he has to close his eyes and look away before he can slice through the flesh.  At first it doesn’t hurt, and he wonders if he missed the arm entirely – and then his limb bursts in vicious, unimaginable **pain**.

His eyes snap back to the limb, widening at the sheer amount of blood that’s managed to pool out in the handful of seconds.  There’s a disconnect at the sight – he still refuses to believe that arm is connected to _him,_ and the sight of a child’s arm drenched in blood is ripping his head apart.

Already he feels faint, and doubt starts to creep in.  Rationally he knows it’s his bodies way of trying to stay alive, but that voice gets quieter with every second that passes.

Shouldn’t this be enough?  Shouldn’t he wake up by now?  Does he have to go unconscious from blood loss first? 

Adrenaline somehow makes it through, mixing with the desperate instincts screaming NO to that last question, and he gasps as he reiatsu pushes through, bursting out and smashing into the opposite wall, completely out of control.  It’s pushing out, wild and reckless and refusing to be pulled back no matter what Ichigo tries, not that he has much will left at this point.

On the plus side, at least that means this must be a dream.  This wouldn’t be possible in the real world after the final Getsuga Tenshou, and there would be no point in adding it to the illusion, right?

He’s not got much time to ponder that though.  This burst of reiatsu would be attracting every Shinigami in the nearby radius, even if it’s starting to die down as Ichigo’s vision fades.  When he wakes up again, it should be broken.

It should be-

His eyes are starting to close, so he hears more than sees the door burst open.  All he can make out is a figure in black.

“ICHIGO!”

The figure lunges for him, and Ichigo just manages to register the man’s arms around him before everything goes dark.

* * *

When he wakes up, it’s to the medical ward again, and his arm _really_ hurts.

He already knows what he’ll see, but he still lifts it out into view, face falling as he takes in the child’s limb wrapped in bandages.

It didn’t work.

“You should consider yourself lucky.  Another minute and even Unohana would have struggled to save you.”

Ichigo snaps his head in the direction of the voice.

“Kisuke?”

The man smiled, tilting his hat both in greeting, and clearly to hide the fact that the expression didn’t reach his eyes.  Ichigo frowns as he takes in scientist’s appearance - he was still wearing his signature hat, but his usual outfit was missing, replaced with a Shinigami uniform, a captain’s coat slung over it.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you recognised me, given the circumstances” he says.  “I was asked to come explain things to you, being one of the few that fully understands the situation.”

“Kisuke,” Ichigo repeats.  “What happened?  How long have I been unconscious?”

This is taking a very strange turn.  First his mother, now…pre-Vizard Kisuke?  What is this?

The…Captain? walked towards his bed, taking a seat next to him, features schooling into something far more serious.

“Ichigo, I’m afraid I have something quite serious to tell you” he said.  “What is the last thing you remember?”

He frowned.  “I’d just beaten Aizen” he replies.  “Then you showed up, there was kido, I was kind of out of it to be honest.  Why?”

Kisuke gave him a sad smile that frankly did nothing for his nerves.  He didn’t think he’d ever seen the shopkeeper look like this.

“Ichigo, you’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I assure you, it’s the truth” he said.  “Eight years ago, you were abducted from outside your home by Aizen Sousuke.  He wanted a spiritually powerful soul to try a new experimental process, and chose you – both due to convenience, and to strike a blow against your family.  You were induced into a type of medical coma – in which you lived in an illusionary world that would force your mind to evolve far beyond its natural abilities.  From the records I’ve read, you would have believed you were human, residing in the living world.”

“I am human” Ichigo snapped.  “I admit it’s a little bit…muddled, but I’m still human.”

Kisuke holds his hands up.  “No, you’re a soul, as is everyone in your family.  Your mother, admittedly was human, and came here when she died, but you have never actually been there.  The world you lived in was fake.”

The Shinigami sighed.  “Evidently, it was very effective.  Your memories were completely wiped, and you’ve clearly accepted the illusion as reality, judging from how high your reiatsu levels grew while unconscious.  We only discovered you and Aizen’s treachery two years ago, and it took years to manufacture an antidote to bring you out.  Everything we did seemed to make things worse at first – your reiatsu kept spiking.  I was starting to think getting you out without mental damage was impossible, but-“

He spread his hands.  “Apparently I underestimated you.  We monitored your brainwaves to predict the weakest moment in the illusion, administered the antidote, and you did the rest.  When you’ve sufficiently recovered, I’d love to talk to you about your experience.”

Ichigo is pretty sure his mouth is wide open.  He literally cannot bring himself to care.

“…That is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard” he growls.  “And I’ve heard a lot of it!  Why the hell would I believe that?”

“You don’t have to believe it, but consider the facts” Kisuke argues.  “You are not currently human, or possessing the body you remember.  Yet, despite your impressive attempt to break the illusion you – understandably – believe yourself to be under, it failed completely.  Unless you can explain that, you do have to admit the evidence does suggest that what I’m saying is true.”

Ichigo opened his mouth to argue, only to snap it shut when he couldn’t think of a reply.

No illusion could be so strong that it could alter memories, and he doesn’t remember Aizen going for his sword.  And it’s hard to believe an illusion would still stay stable with the victim that close to death – if it was a dream, he should have woken up, if he was wandering around, Soul Society would be keeping him tied down and unconscious until they figured out how to break it. 

But if it wasn’t…

He choked back a gasp, heart beating frantically as he tried to wrap his head around the concept. 

A hand hesitantly touched his shoulder, and he jerked up to see Kisuke staring at him, clearly reluctant to be so close.

“Aizen has since been incarcerated” he explains.  “Neither he, nor his experiments can touch you again.  It has had an extreme effect on your reiatsu, but you’ll learn how to control that in time.  I am only sorry we were unable to catch Aizen Sousuke earlier.  I had my suspicions, but never acted upon them.  Many of my colleagues felt the same – if we’d spoken up sooner, perhaps this wouldn’t have happened.”

Ichigo looks away.

“I still don’t believe you” he says.  Kisuke just shrugs.

“I probably wouldn’t believe me either” he says.  “But you’ll be under close observation after that last stunt, at least until you get a medical all clear.  It’ll take a while to flush all the toxins from your system, but once they do, your real memories should start to return.  I’m sure that will do more than any argument I can offer.”

* * *

Half an hour later, Ichigo finds himself picking at the stray threads on the blanket, doing everything possible not to look at the figure in the doorway.  Once Kisuke had left, he’d been at the mercy of Unohana, who had not taken to his attempted escape (literally and metaphorically) well.  But given his latest visitor, he sorely wished she’d come back for a round two.

“Ichigo?”

He swallows, shoulders tensing as his mother walks back into the room, far more hesitant than she had the previous time.  She pauses by the bed, shifting on her feet for a few moments before choosing to sit on a nearby chair.  A hand reaches over, only to stop when Ichigo freezes.  When he doesn’t speak up, she finishes the distance, taking his tiny hand in hers.

“There was a time I was afraid I’d never get to do this again” Masaki whispers, joy obvious in her face.  Ichigo braces himself, and turns to face her.

It’s still like being hit by a truck.  Her face, her smile – it hasn’t changed at all.

“I’m sorry, it just doesn’t feel real” Ichigo admits, hating that he has to say it, even to a possibly fictional version of his mother.  “You’re dead.  I **saw** you die.  And I never saw the Soul Society until I was 16.”

“You turned 16 almost 20 years ago” His mother replied, a sad smile emerging from her face.  “Unohana and Kisuke say your memories should start coming back once the chemicals are fully flushed from your system.  Once we get you home, maybe things will start feeling familiar.  Your sisters will be coming tomorrow, they wanted to come today but we thought we should take it slow after you…reacted badly.”

Ichigo nods, grateful for the idea.  He wouldn’t want his little sisters to see him like this, even if they weren’t real.

“However,” his mother began.  “Your father has been waiting outside.  Do you think you’re up for seeing him?”

Ichigo winced, images of Isshin blasting into the room and trying to punch him into the wall.  He really didn’t think he was up facing that.

His mother seemed to notice his discomfort, and squeezed his shoulder.

“I promise he won’t go overboard” she insists.  “He just wants to see you.  He’s the one that found you after…”

Ichigo winces.  Yeah, that wouldn’t have gone over well.  Looks like Isshin is still a Shinigami in this world too.

He sighs, and gives his mother a smile. 

“Okay” he says.  “I guess I can handle Goat-Face for a few minutes.”

His mother blinked in confusion.  “…Goat Face?”

“Wow, that’s a flattering nickname.”

They both looked up, and Ichigo frowned as he took in the man waiting in the doorframe, waving one hand slowly. 

He look frighteningly like him, only slightly taller and with pitch black hair.  He had a hopeful smile on his face, and from the grip he had on the frame, was holding himself back from leaping over to Ichigo.  The appearance shook a memory from his mind, of Rukia telling him about the former Vice-Captain of the Thirteenth.

“Are you…Shiba Kaien?”

The man paled, smile freezing on his face.  He swallowed heavily, before walking into the room, sitting next to Masaki.  Both of them looked miserable as Ichigo drew back, staring at him in confusion.

“You…aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

Kaien’s hands clenched. 

“Is that what happened to me in your dream?” he asked, and Ichigo nods.

“Yeah, by a hollow.  Happened decades before I was born.”

That seemed to confuse them even more.

“Decades before…Ichigo, don’t you know who this is?”

Ichigo frowned at his mother.  “Shiba Kaien?” he repeated.

“To you” Masaki specified.  “What is he to you?”

“…My uncle?” Ichigo offered.  "Or my cousin.  I wasn't too sure to be honest."

Kaien looked as if Ichigo had just stabbed him in the stomach, hands clenching in the sheets.  To Ichigo’s astonishment, Masaki grabbed one of them, tugging it loose and pulling it towards Ichigo.  Her other hand clasped Ichigo’s and brought it to the centre, creating a three-way hand hold.

“Sweetie…” she said.  “This is your father.”

Ichigo’s eyes widened.

**“WHAT?”**


	2. Chapter 2

“Get out!”

“Ichigo…”

“Out!”

“Lieutenant Shiba, Lady Shiba, please leave before I need to sedate you in addition to my patient.  You can see him in the morning.”

“But-“

“That was not a request Lieutenant!”

Kaien squawks as he’s pushed out the door, only just recovering well enough to grab Masaki’s hand before she stumbles out after him.  Once she’s stable, he goes for the door, only to find it locked shut.

“Captain!  Unohana!”

“Kaien, stop-“ Masaki was at his back, tugging at his shoulders and trying to pull him away.

“Masaki, we can’t leave it like this!”

She was already shaking her head.  “Unohana is right, he’s not in the right state to hear anything we say.  I know it’s hard, but we need to wait until he’s calmed down.”

The Shinigami’s shoulders sagged, and he let his wife coax him down the hall.  But once they reached a corner, he pulls away in frustration.

“We’ve been waiting eight years!” he snaps.  “Six years of not knowing if he was dead or alive, then 2 years of waiting, praying that he’ll wake up.  And now-“

He throws his hands up, before they drop to cover his face.

“My son doesn’t know who I am Masaki.  Hasn’t just forgotten me – I’ve been written out and replaced.  By Isshin!  Isshin, Masaki!  Isshin!”

“Did I hear someone call my name?”

The two jerked up as they took in the new arrivals.  Isshin was strolling up the hall, Kukaku and Ganju tailing after him.

“Dammit Kaien, want to explain why I had to shake Isshin down for information on my favourite nephew?” Kukaku growls, though there’s a grin on her face and a bottle of sake in her hands.  “We should be celebrating!”

Ganju is smiling just as widely, slinging an arm around his older brother’s shoulders.

“She’s got a point Kaien.  How come the Captains are hearing the news before your own family?”

Kaien send a glare Isshin’s way, but the Captain just shrugs.

“Hey, the second both of you didn’t come home they started camping out in my office.  It was either come clean or the Shiba Clan was going to have two new ice sculptures for the grounds, compliments of my third seat.  You know, for a guy who deals with ice, Toshiro’s quite the hot head.”

That gets a slight smile from Masaki and Kaien, but all three pause when they take in the sombre mood.

“Everyone, we’re grateful that you wanted to come, but it’s not as simple as we were hoping” Masaki explains.  “Ichigo’s…having some problems, mentally.”

Isshin frowns.

“Wait, I just heard the tyke was awake.  What did I miss?”

Kaien sighs, pulling Ganju’s arm away and stepping closer to Masaki.

“His memories are fried.  He doesn’t remember anything other than the ‘fake’ world he was set up in.  On top of which, in that reality, Masaki was dead, and I didn’t exist.  Least not as his Dad.”

Kukaku’s smile vanished, while Ganju looked as if Kaien had just punched him.

“Oh, big brother, I’m so sorry.”

Isshin on the other hand, was just shaking his head.

“Are you kidding me?  He’s your spitting image!  Who the hell does he think is his Dad?”

Kaien grit his teeth, sending Isshin an awkward smile.

“Apparently?  You.”

Isshin’s jaw dropped to the floor, while Kaien took the opportunity to hit the wall with his head.

“As far as Ichigo’s concerned, his parents are Masaki and Isshin, or ‘Goat Face’ as he and his siblings preferred to call him” Kaien continues.  “Trying to correct that information did not go down well.  Hell, just coming face to face with Masaki sent him running into a suicide attempt to try and break the hallucination.”

The three paled drastically, and Masaki joined her husband, leaning against the wall with her head down.

“It looked like he was coming to terms with it, right up until Kaien came into the room.  We were kicked out of his room before he could do any serious damage to himself other than screaming his lungs out.  Captain Unohana didn’t appreciate us upsetting her patient” she explains.  “Hopefully tomorrow we’ll have better luck at convincing him – I’m hoping his sisters might have more luck.”

“Wait, are you sure that’s a good idea Masaki?” Kukaku asks.  “I mean, if he doesn’t recognise his father, is he going to-“

“He knows Karin and Yuzu” Kaien interrupts, though his head remains against the wall.  “We didn’t get far enough into his screaming fit to confirm if he knows _our_ Karin and Yuzu, but he knows those names.  I’m the only one that doesn’t fit.”

Masaki immediate grabs his arm, pulling him into an embrace.

“Kaien, don’t talk like that” she urges, pulling his head down and pressing his forehead against hers.  “Our son is alive.  Alive and _awake_.  Even six months ago that was little more than a fantasy, but it’s happened.  We dealt with it then, and we’ll deal with this now.”

She lifts her head to give him a light kiss.

“He will remember sweetheart, it’s just going to take time.  And we have all the time in the world to help him now.”

For a moment, Kaien leans into the hold, before pulling back and giving her a sympathetic smile.

“You’re right.  Of course you’re right.  I just…I was just so ready for this to be _over_.”

Everyone looks away at that.  It’s a very mutual feeling.  Eventually, Kaien sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“Look, I need to go report to Captain Ukitake” he admits.  “I more or less ran out of there when Unohana sent word – he should know what’s going on and that I might not be as available for the next few weeks.”

“Please, you’ve got Ukitake wrapped around your little finger” Isshin jokes, though there’s still a shard of panic in his eyes.  “He’ll give you the next six _months_ off if you just ask.”

Kaien rolls his eyes, but grabs Masaki’s hands.

“Update the girls, and I’ll be back home for dinner” he tells her.  “I promise.”

Masaki bites her lip, but nods as her husband pulls away, walking down the hall – pausing only momentarily when Ganju pats his shoulder – and vanishes round the corner.  Kukaku’s eyes follow him until he leaves her sight, then turns her attention to Masaki.

“Let’s get you home, okay?” she offers.  “And if you need anything, just ask.  We’re here to help.”

Masaki lets her pull her down the hall, and gives a hesitant nod.

“Thank you.  But to be honest…I think what we’re going to need most is space.  Time and space to figure out what Ichigo does and doesn’t know.  If we hit him with too much conflicting information-“

“Another ‘escape’ attempt might ensue?” Kukaku finishes with a wince.  “Right.  We’ll have to keep him under guard though.  And limit his exposure.”

“Yeah.  Given the circumstances maybe it’s a good idea if I make myself scarce until Ichi’s got his head on straight” Isshin agrees, already stepping back.  “Just…keep my posted on how he’s doing, okay?”

Masaki nods in relief, and the man turns away-

Only to immediately turn round and grab Masaki’s hands.

“And for the record, if you were not married to my cousin, I would happily walk down the aisle and have adorable-if-somewhat-precocious-children with you.”

Masaki gave a nervous smile.  “Thank you Isshin.  That…that’s sweet.”

Both Ganju and Kukaku start growling.

“Goodbye Isshin!”

“Going!  Going!”

* * *

The night did not improve after Ichigo’s outburst.  Thankfully, the rather humiliating meltdown was stopped before it really got started when Unohana swooped in like a devil of mercy and kicked both of his ‘parents’ out of the room and hit him with enough medication to have him seeing double.  She did however, also leave guards stationed at the door to avoid a repeat of earlier, meaning he still had an audience while he tried to process this little addition.

Shiba Kaien.  A guy he had literally never even met, was his Dad.  Okay, yeah, Ichigo could see the resemblance but…

Wait, did…did Isshin even _exist_ in this crazy reality?  For a moment, he thought he’d heard the old man’s voice outside but-

He glances longingly at the window, but the fourth member on guard clears his throat in warning and he slumps back against the pillow.

Maybe if goes to sleep, he’ll wake up and this will all be a bad dream…

* * *

Tragically, when he wakes up, he’s still trapped in the body of a brat, and there’s no signs of…whatever this is, wearing off.  His…’father’ is absent, but his mother is back, with the twins in tow. 

Any hopes Ichigo had that he would find anything familiar in his family after the reveal that his father was a man he didn’t know were quickly dashed with Yuzu and Karin came to visit him.

Because at no point in history had he ever had to look _up_ at his little sisters.

Both were in Shinigami Academy uniform, looking physically 16 and blossoming into the young woman he’d always known they would.  Yuzu’s hair was down to her waist, tied in a loose braid swung over her shoulder, while Karin’s was cropped close to her head.  They leaned over the bed while his mother sat back down in the chair to the side, watching them in quiet relief.

“Good morning Ichigo!” Yuzu greeted, producing a plate of chocolate cookies.  “I made your favourite, in honour of you waking up.”

They’re all but shoved under his nose, and he barely registered he was picking one up until Yuzu pulled the plate back and placing it next to the bed.  All three were watching him expectantly, and he glanced down before taking a tentative bite.

It tastes exactly like one of Yuzu’s cookies should taste.  Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, sweet, with dark chocolate chunks to keep it from being overwhelmingly so.  He’s smiling before he even realises it, and Yuzu squeals, hopping onto the bed and hugging him tightly.

“You still like them!  I knew my little brother was still in there.  Don’t underestimate the power of cookies!”

Karin grins and hops onto the other side.

“He still needs to breathe Yuzu.  Might want to dial it down a little.”

Yuzu pouts, but loosens her grip just a notch.  Ichigo takes the opportunity to gasp out the question he's desperate to ask.

 “You’re…Shinigami?”

“Well, not quite” Karin replies, tugging at her uniform.  “We’re in our third year.  Dad got us permission to miss our first class, so we could see our favourite baby brother.”

“We were supposed to start earlier, but after you…vanished, Mom and Dad didn’t want us out of their sight” Yuzu explained.  “Took them a few years to relent.”

“You cannot blame us for our precautions” Masaki splutters.  “Ichigo vanished from a street teeming with Shinigami.  Every noble family held their eligible family back at least five years unless they were suitably trained.”

“Dad’s been training with the sword for decades!”

“Karin, this is not the time to bring up that argument.  You’re at the Academy now, aren’t you?”

The girl pouts, but it quickly turns into a grin when she spots the very confused look on Ichigo’s face.

“But don’t worry, you haven’t missed much more than that” Karin insists.  “Once you get your memories back, it’ll be like nothing happened.”

Yuzu hugs in again in response, head dropping onto his.

“You’ll always be our adorable little brother, Ichigo.”

And that’s Ichigo’s breaking point.

“…I’m supposed to be your _older_ brother” Ichigo whines, crying internally at how pathetic he sounds.  “I take care of you!”

The twins blink in unison, while Masaki leans forward almost in a panic, and Ichigo finds the words bursting out despite himself.

“This isn’t right.  I’m not supposed to be a kid.  You’re not supposed to older than me or capable of protecting yourselves just yet.  You shouldn’t even have hit puberty yet, and Goat Face definitely wouldn’t have taught you the sword.  He wouldn’t even teach _me_ the sword and I’m the one who-“

He finally cuts himself off, feeling his hands clench tight in the sheets and refuses to meet their eyes.

“I’m the one who needs to protect everyone.”

Strange, it sounds so…infantile when he says it now. 

He doesn’t see how the woman react, only hears them shuffle around, until Yuzu pulls his head to her chest.

 the feeling you’re used to having to take care of everyone little brother” Yuzu offers, hand running through his hair.  “From what we’ve heard, no mother, no father, and a lot of danger if your reiatsu is as high as it is.”

Karin hops onto the opposite edge of the bed.  “Yeah, love the man but doubt uncle Isshin would be great father material.  Remember the last time he had to babysit all of us?  Insisted we sit down and play with the dolls he got us while he taught you to be a man, then threw you out of the window!”

Yuzu failed to bite down on the chuckle.  “You were so upset, you ran all the way to the Thirteen Division to see Dad.  I think Isshin thought Captain Zaraki was coming for a visit, the way Dad’s reiatsu was flaring!”

Ichigo blanches at the story.  The first part certainly sounds like the Goat Face he knows, but the second part – he doesn’t run away _crying_! Not since…

Well, since.

Karin can clearly see his disbelief, and she leans over to move Yuzu’s hand out of the way so she can ruffle his hair instead.

“Hey, you were still quite the baby back then” she tells him.  “I’m still astounded you made it to the Thirteenth all on your own.  Isshin hasn’t been allowed to babysit in _decades_ cause of that.”

“You really don’t remember Ichigo?” Yuzu asks, hope creeping into her voice, and Ichigo **hates** disappointing her, but-

“No” he answers abrubtly, head ducking away.  He doesn’t remember.  After his mother died, there was no one to go crying **to**.

“Well, that’s okay” Karin replies.  “It was a long time ago.  Maybe you didn’t even remember it back then.  But hey, what about the time Dad took us to Karakura for the first time and-“

“What, Karakura?” Ichigo gapes.  Finally, a ray of hope.  “Karakura exists here?”

Masaki looks delighted that he remembers.

“Yes!  It’s one of the first districts outside the Seireitei.  Do you remember it?”

Oh.

Ichigo visibly drops.

“No.  I thought it was something else.”

Masaki’s smile drops, and Karin shoulders on with a strained smile.

“A-anyway, you slipped away and found yourself outside the Academy Orphanage.  By the time we tracked you down you had an entire pack following you.  I swear you spent more time with your friends there than you did at home.  Dad tried to get you to play more at home by giving you play dates with a cousin, but you just dragged her along too and she ended up being there as much as you did!”

Yuzu starts ticking off her fingers. 

“Lets see, there’s Orihime, Chad, Keigo, Mizuiro and…whose the redhead again?”

“Renji” Karin offers.  “Though I think Keigo got sponsored or adopted out, he’s not been coming round with the others lately.”

She glances down at him.  “They tried to visit at least once a week and fill you in on their adventures.  Bet you’ll probably see them all soon.”

Ichigo can only stare in shock at the names.  His friends.  Most likely his age.  What about Tatsuki, or Ishida?  And  Rukia?  If Renji is here – did she get adopted by the Kuchiki’s in this reality too?

And on that subject, Academy Orphanage?  What is that?  and how the hell is Karakura a freakin Rukongai District in this world? 

“I’m hoping to arrange something for tomorrow” Masaki says.  “Unohana thinks that more interactions with people you know might help knock something loose.  Tatsuki promised she would get everyone together - I had to talk her out of coming today.”

Okay, knock Tatsuki off the missing list. 

“They’re all here” Ichigo whispers despite himself, and Yuzu hugs him again, only to get shuffled away as Karin gets jealous of her grip, and slides her own arms over his opposite shoulder.

“Don’t know how much you remember them, but you were all thick as thieves before you vanished” she says.  “Do you remember this one time you all tried to break into Aunt Kukaku’s firework collection and-“

* * *

He doesn’t remember.  Yuzu and Karin, and on the odd occasion his mother, pile him with stories and antics of things he did, things he loved, things that made them laugh.  With each story he’d get another chunk of information, and every single time they’d trail off and glance in Ichigo’s direction, searching for even a hint of recognition. 

By the time his sisters have to head back to the Academy, swearing to come back this evening with their Dad, the hope had long since turned to resignation.  They were telling the stories to remind themselves, to bolster their resolve, rather than expect results from Ichigo.  His mother chooses to escort them, promising to return as soon as she can.

Real or fake, when they leave looking like he’s kicked their dog, Ichigo feels like the worst son, and the worst brother in the world.  Asshole - would it have killed him to lie about remembering just one fanciful tale?

…No, he wasn’t going to lie to them.  It was buying into the fantasy, or giving them false hope.  Neither was an option.  Those stories of childhood antics all ‘sounded’ like things he would do, but didn’t mesh with any of his real memories at all.  He didn’t have a single crazy story like that to share.  Not one.

Ichigo frowns.

Come to think of it…how much does he remember of being a kid?

The river and his mother instantly flash through his mind but-he roughly shakes his head.  According to Kisuke, that was the start of all this.  Before that.  What does he remember before that?

Spirits.  Lots and lots of ghosts.  His sisters being born.  More ghosts, and people mocking him and speaking about him as if he was crazy.  His mother comforting him.

His eyes widen.  He went to school, he must have had frie-

Wait!  Tatsuki!  Tatsuki and the dojo!  He joined the dojo when he was about four.  He met her, and they fought, and-

He falters.  That’s all he can remember before his mother’s death?  His sisters birth, Tatsuki and the karate classes, getting mocked relentlessly and his mother being a mother?  That’s it?  No birthdays, no festivals, no classmates?  No random memory that stuck for no obvious reason that so litter the rest of his memory?  Not one single funny story that his parents would drag out at the worst moments?  Surely there should be…more.

Why has that never seemed weird until now?

He wraps his arms around his chest, missing the warmth of his siblings and stares longingly at the window. 

For the first time since he woke up, he really hopes his mother doesn’t take too long before returning.


	3. Chapter 3

Realistically (or at least, as close as Ichigo could get to these days), this wasn’t even close to the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. 

That said, Ichigo was certain the sheer effort it would take to stop being face planted on the floor would rival a fight with Zaraki.

“I assure you Shiba Ichigo, I have far more patience than you in either lifetime.  We will not be leaving this room until you walk across the room.”

Ichigo just groaned and turned his head.  “Will you settle for standing up?  Because that sounds just as impossible right now.”

Someone knelt by his side, and tried to coax him up.  From the voice, Ichigo was guessing it was Hanataro.

“Don’t say things like that Shiba” he insisted.  “You’re doing really well so far!”

Ichigo just clenched his eyes just.  “Please don’t call me that.”

This morning, Ichigo had found himself getting a reprieve from his parents, but only so the Fourth could put him in the ringer.  Unohana had requested that Masaki and Kaien not visit this morning so she could start physical therapy and get him out of bed.  This sounded like a great idea…right up until Ichigo got out of bed and remembered just _why_ he hadn’t bothered trying to get out since the first attempt.

So…floor, face, and no real desire to get back onto the rail and force his legs to work.  Unfortunately, Unohana was taking this case personally – while he might be able to glare Hanataro and the other Fourth member into submission, she wasn’t giving an inch.

At least he was getting a reprieve from family time today.

* * *

“Kaien, you’ve been reading that page for ten minutes.”

From his desk, the Lieutenant blinked, then flushed sheepishly as he dropped the paper on the desk.

“Sorry Captain.  I guess I just can’t focus today.”

Ukitake sighs, putting down his own reports.

“You know, I wouldn’t think less of you for putting in a leave of absence.  Sentaro and Kiyone would happily- “

“I’m fine Captain” Kaien interrupts, grabbing another file.  “Outside of here, I’m useless.  Filing is keeping me sign right now.”

“…You realise you’re reading that file upside down?”

The lieutenant pauses, then drops the file before leaning back and staring at the roof.

“I went there last night Captain.  Joined Misaki and the twins after they finished classes.  Twins and Masaki?  He’s still clearly struggling, but he lets them hug him and touch him and listens to their stories.  But when I- “

He tapers off with a growl and leans over the desk and throwing his head into his hands.

“I’m about as welcome in that room as a freakin Hollow.  I go to hold his hand and his snaps it right back.  Masaki had to guilt trip him into letting me hug him goodbye!  I try to join in the conversation and he just…looks at me.  Like he’s trying to figure out why I’m there.”

Ukitake winces.  “It’s only been a few days Kaien.  He’s not even left the hospital yet.  If he’s got artificial memories of your wife and girls, it’s not that surprising he’s warming up to them quicker if he’s still under the effects.”

“I know, I know” Kaien moans.  “But there’s got to be _something_ I can do to kickstart it?  Unohana says the memories are still in there, he just can’t access them because he’s got the other ones fighting him every step of the way.”

His Captain watched his Lieutenant in sympathy, before shifting some documents and lifting a decent sized folder out from underneath.

“Well, I do have some paperwork that needs to be sent to Squad Twelve.”

Slowly, Kaien lifts his head, and Ukitake fights a smile.

“I guess you could speak to Captain Urahara about further treatment on the chemical side of things after dropping it off.”

His Lieutenant is already halfway out of his chair and grabbing the pile of forms with fervour.

“Captain, I owe you a thousand.”

Ukitake waves him out.

“Take care of your family Kaien.  That’s all the reward I need.”

* * *

As it turns out, when Kaien drops off the paperwork, the Captain of the Twelfth isn’t at his desk.  It takes some questioning, but eventually he wanders deep into the research labs and finds the man sitting in front of several giant video screens, looking over medical documents Kaien has become frustratingly familiar with.  However, he’s not alone in his analysing – another Shinigami is leaning on the wide console underneath the screens, eyeing up the information.

“Captain Hirako?”

The blonde glances over and gives his Cheshire cat smirk in greeting, while Kisuke perks up and leans over his seat as Kaien moves over to his left.

“Lieutenant Shiba, this is a surprise.”

Kaien gives a short smile to Kisuke, before turning back to Hirako.

“I wouldn’t have thought you would be interested in all this?”

The Captain shrugged, and moved over to the console, leaning on one hand as he stared at the screens.

“Yeah well, it was my lieutenant that was responsible for all this.  Can’t help but feel a little involved.  Heard your kid isn’t acclimatising as much as you hoped?”

Kaien looks away.

“He’s alive, and he’s awake.  I just have to keep reminding myself that however bad it seems, it was a lot worse before.”

He shakes off the anger he feels at the situation and chooses to focus back on Kisuke.

“I don’t suppose you’ve unlocked any breakthrough’s since we woke him up?”

The Captain of the Twelfth shrugs, and gestures at the screens.

“Unohana’s asked me to take another look at the chemical makeup” Kisuke admits, though he’s trying to balance a pencil between his lip and nose and doesn’t seem all that involved.  “See if I can’t weaken the memories and help Ichigo remember a little quicker.”

That perks the lieutenant right up, and he leans over the monitor at the data Kisuke is musing over.

“Really, any luck?”

The pencil clatters to the ground, and Kisuke sighs.

“Aizen was a genius in his own right.  Ichigo’s mind is in a delicate state – even if I could take a shot at it, there’s no guarantee I wouldn’t make things worse.  I can hardly experiment beforehand.”

He starts kneading his forehead.  “I could maybe take the original drugs and apply them to the artificial memories – outside of the coma and additional stimuli we could possibly suppress them entirely.  The originals might come back with less effort if they don’t have to fight conflicting ones.”

Kaien’s eyes widened.

“You mean, induce complete amnesia?”

Kisuke nods.

“If it worked.”

“…Could you?”

The Captain paused, and crossed his arms as he thought it over.

“Well, it’s not _technically_ impossible.  All I’d have to do is tweak the chemical composition-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Hirako interrupts, having watched the interaction with widening eyes.  “Please don’t make me the sane man here.  I do not have the resume for this.”

“What’s wrong with the idea?” Kaien asks.  “You can’t tell me it wouldn’t solve so many problems.”

That just makes Hirako bark in laughter.

“Oh yeah, that’ll go down well.  Sorry kid, I know you think this world is fake, so we’re going to erase all the memories you think are real so you’ll act like the little kid you’re clearly not.  Try it, and my next pay check says he uses all that crazy reiatsu to blow up the entire fourth division before he lets you near him again.”

Kaien scowls.

“You’re awfully informed about all this.”

“Despite what you might think, I do read the reports that cross my desk” Hirako replies, shrugging.  “Ichigo’s mental state of progressed a lot quicker than it should have been, and you’re trying to undo it, which even a medical intern would know is a bad idea.  Hell, I know it’s a bad idea, and I’m hardly the pinnacle of mental health.  Not to mention the trust issues that’ll follow if it fails.  Like Unohana says, you can’t just erase memories – they’re always going to be there, one way or another.  Besides, amnesia does **not** erase maturity, so all you’ll do is create a very suspicious kid whose mental state doesn’t match his body, with dangerously unstable reiatsu, and no reason to trust anyone.  It will solve **nothing.** ”

Kaien glared at him for a few moments, Hirako smirking back, before the man capitulated, shoulders sagging and stepping back.

“You’re right.  Don’t think I’d be able to go through with it even if we could.”

“Not to mention the precedent it would set” Kisuke admits, though he still looks far too fascinated with the idea.  Hirako ignores him, clapping one hand on Kaien’s back.

“Look, it’s not as bad as you think.  Okay, so he’s a little mature for a born soul in his thirties.  By human standards he’s still immature for his age.  He’s still gonna be your kid once he has all his memories back, just…more bratty teen than bratty child.”

“Right now, I’d settle for brat-that-acknowledges-me-as-family” Kaien mutters back, and Hirako nods solemnly.  Kisuke however, just goes digging for the missing pencil.

“Afraid I’m not going to have a magical potion to help you out” he says, rooting under the console.  “Chemicals and toxins aren’t my specialty, so there’s not much more I can do, but Unohana knows what she’s talking about.  Keep talking to him, maybe get him home and back to familiar surroundings, and eventually you’ll break through.”

Kaien nods, although part of him wants to bang his head against a wall at hearing the same information again.  This doesn’t go unnoticed by Hirako, who is quick to wave goodbye and usher the man out the door.

“You want to go get a drink before you head back?” he asks.  “Cause frankly, you look like you could use one.”

The Lieutenant opens his mouth to refuse…only to sag in the hold and nod.

“…Yeah.  Honestly, that sounds like a great idea right now.”

* * *

Come noon, and Unohana had finally released Ichigo from his mandated torture for lunch.  He’d never been happier to be back in a bed, and was making his way through his first lunch alone, grateful for the peace. 

Of course, Ichigo’s life didn’t correlate well with peace.  He’d barely finished his plate when he heard panicked rapping on the wooden slats of the window blinds. 

“Ichigo!  Ichigo, are you in there?”

That voice sounded very familiar, and just a tad nostalgic. 

“Tatsuki?”

He got a cackle in return.

“He’s in here guys!”

It was Tatsuki, it had to be.  It was a lot younger and squeakier than he remembered, but that was definitely Tatsuki.  However, moving from his bed to try and open the window wasn’t something he was capable of right now.

Not that it mattered – a few seconds later, the wooden slats were pulled back, most likely by the guard still stationed outside, and a small figure started clambering through. 

Tatsuki is exactly how he remembers her from his days at the dojo.  Short, black hair above mischievous eyes, and far too much energy for an eight-year-old who ran on all cylinders from dawn to dusk.  She jumps through the window, and a pair of hands instantly take her place, hoisting up-

“Rukia?”

She was _tiny._ And considering it was Rukia, that was saying something.  The girl is grinning as she hops onto the ledge, but is half shoved in as an equally short but very familiar redhead, hair stuck up in its pineapple tail but lacking any tattoos, shuffles onto the windowsill with her.

“Afternoon Ichigo!” Rukia calls.

“Remember us?” Renji questions, then squawks as Rukia scowls and pushes him inside, jumping after him.

They’re not alone, and Ichigo’s eyes widen as Orihime and Mizuiro stumble through the window one after the other while the guard watches from the side with a badly hidden smile. 

Once they’ve all cleared the window, he can’t help but grin as Chad lopes in with a graceful and lazy hop, just as young as everyone else, but still a good head taller than anyone in the room.

“Ichigo!  You’re really awake!”

His head snaps towards the doorway, eyes widening as he recognises brown hair and a nervous smile.

“Keigo?”

Ichigo’s eyes widen as Keigo is pushed into the room by a boy who could only be Ishida, forcing him inside before closing the door behind him.

“Sorry we’re late.  I had to retrieve him, and his minders were surprisingly hard to shake.”

“I’m impressed you pulled it off” Mizuiro comments.  “Especially since you swore you’d never set foot in the Soul Society.

“Exceptional circumstances” Ishida snaps.  “One time only.”

“Says the guy who insisted on using the door” Keigo whines, pointing at the others.  Ishida just rolls his eyes.

Ichigo has long since accepted that physical appearance and age don’t generally add up in the soul society, but as best as he can tell, Renji, Orihime, Tatsuki and himself are about the same physical age.  Chad, Keigo and Ishida are probably older, while Rukia is just a little younger than them all, although…she could just be really, _really_ short for her age.

He honestly doesn’t know part of this he needs to unpack first.  Eventually, he settles for:

“Minders?”

It’s Orihime that answers, giving him a bright smile.

“Oh, he got adopted a few years ago.”

“Sponsored!” Keigo splutters, face pale.  “I’m a sponsored ward.  There was absolutely **no** adopting!”

He sounds so utterly horrified at the idea that Ichigo is morbidly curious as to who took him in. Or why he’d need adopting in the first place.  Before he can even try questioning it though, Tatsuki is on his bed and cocking her head.

“Your mom told us you had a weird kind of amnesia” she says.  “That you were trapped in a fake dream world where everything was different.  Said you might remember us, but might not.  So, do you?”

“If not, I brought a scrapbook to help!” Orihime claims, holding up a tattered book with pride.

They’re all looking at him in equal parts curiosity and hope, and Ichigo shifts in his bed.

“I remember…versions of you” he offers.  “But we were all a lot older.”

“Older?” Tatsuki repeats.  “How much older?  Did we hit a hundred?”

“Physically older” Ichigo amends.  “I was human, and so were most of you.  We were teenage – about my sisters age. Rukia and Renji were a lot older, they were the only ones who still lived in Soul Society.

“Awesome!” Renji offers.  “Were we Shinigami?”

“How tall was I?” Rukia asks almost at the same time.  Ichigo wisely chooses not to answer that question and focuses on Renji’s.

“Yeah.  Both of you.”

“Wait, wait, wait” Tatsuki interrupts.  “If you thought you were human, and they were Shinigami, how could you meet each other?”

“Maybe he died?” Orihime offers. 

As one, they all turn to look at him with various looks of querying and eagerness, enough that Ichigo almost shirks back on instinct.  Still, it’s the first time anyone has been eager to hear his side of things.  Unohana and his family look at his version of events with casual interest or dismay, only wanting to hear him acknowledge that they’re fantasy.  Something that feels vaguely like relief bubbles up at the thought.

So, he does.  He tells Tatsuya about the dojo, about meeting Chad, attending school with Orihime, Ishida, Keigo and Mizuiro.  Meeting Rukia, and then Renji, and how all but Tatsuya had been much older when they’d first met.  He chooses not to mention Quincy, or Rukia’s execution or frankly anything that he’d have been reluctant to tell his little sisters.  All the people in the room are still kids, no matter what his brain says, so he keeps it vague.

Thankfully, none of them question it.  They have enough questions about the living world to worry about the story details - Rukia and Renji are just happy enough to hear that they were bankai wielding badasses in his dream.

Tatsuki however, wasn’t.

“How come I wasn’t a Shinigami in your dream?” she asks, offended.  “Come on, I’m a Shiba!  How could I not be?”

“Well, you were ‘alive’ in the dream, so it wouldn’t make sense for you to be one” Orihime admits.  “He did say that his friends developed powers though.  I bet you had a have super, kickass power!”

Tatsuki lights up, and Ichigo is quick to look away.

“Well…Orihime, Chad and Ishida did.  You were strong but…you didn’t really…have a big role.”

“…What?”

Her tone could have cut glass, and Ichigo suddenly finds the bedspread very interesting as the girl lunges forward and grabs him.

“Did you abandon me in the dream Ichigo?  That is so unfair!  I can outmatch everyone in this room and you know it!”

“Oi, it’s not like it was intentional Tatsuki!” Ichigo snaps, face red.  “I didn’t exactly have a say in any of it!  I don’t know why Orihime, Chad and Ishida were the ones the dream picked.  We were still friends.”

“Yeah right” Tatsuki mutters.  “You left me behind.  Why am I not surprised?”

“You were still awesome” Ichigo protests.  “You just didn’t fight on the front lines.”

“Tatsuki, let him go” MIzuiro begs.  “It’s not like all of us could have been super powerful.”

“Yeah, I’m okay with it!” Keigo insists, and then glances over.

“So, me and Mizuiro and Tatsuki, we didn’t fight with you, but we were still friends, right?”

“Yes!” Ichigo snaps.  “See, Keigo gets it!  Don’t make him the voice of reason here!”

“Tatsuki…” Orihime adds.  The girl grits her teeth, but lets go and shuffles back down the bed.

“Fine.  But I’m never going to let you forget this” she warns.

That’s just fine.  She wouldn’t be Tatsuki - any version of Tatsuki – if she did.

“So, since I told you my version, why don’t you do the same?” Ichigo says, quickly changing the subject. 

“How did we meet in this world?”

Before Tatsuki can reply, Chad steps forward, uttering two simple words.

“Karakura Orphanage.”

“Karakura Orphanage?” Ichigo repeats.

“It’s an orphanage funded by the Shinigami” Rukia offers.  “When a Shinigami finds a child with high reiatsu on missions, they bring them back to Soul Society, so they can get food and basic education.  Most of them apply to the Shinigami Academy once they come of age, or find employment in Soul Society.”

“It’s a brainwashing tactic” Ishida mutters.  “Means anyone who could be a Shinigami grows up without any connection to the Rukongai.  Completely devoted to the Soul Society from childhood.”

“You don’t have to look at it so negatively” Renji argues.  “Rukia and I probably would have starved to death if we hadn’t been picked up when we were.  So would a lot of other kids.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that they’re recruiting from a young age” Ishida snaps, and Renji rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, but if it comes with room, board and a chance at a better life, they can recruit all they want.”

Chad and Mizuiro both nod, although Keigo shudders.

“I just wish they’d be a little stricter about letting Shinigami take custody.”

Everyone snickers, and Tatsuki leans in and mock whispers.

“Sometimes Shinigami sponsor or adopt kids from the orphanage.  They’re looking for a student or an heir or even just a future member of household staff.  It’s almost always a step up in society, and a guarantee of Academy entry.”

Ichigo raises an eyebrow.  “Keigo doesn’t seem happy about it.”

“Finally!  Somebody gets it!” Keigo crowns.  “Thank you Ichigo!”

“Oh don’t let him fool you” Mizuiro laughs.  “Keigo would have bolted back into the Rukongai months ago if they were really as bad as he claims.  He’d be devastated if they sent him back, he just likes to complain.”

“Mizuiro!”

* * *

He gets the specifics as soon as Keigo stops whining on Mizuiro.  Orihime, Chad, Mizuiro, and Renji are all wards of the orphanage, but Rukia has been officially adopted into the Kuchiki family after being reunited with her sister (who is apparently still very much alive and kicking, and Ichigo will no doubt have fun wrapping his head around that when he gets the chance) six months after Ichigo was abducted, while Keigo has been sponsored by some mysterious Shinigami for just over a year and a half.  Ishida however, has never been a ward, and more shockingly, is not a Quincy (and apparently has no idea what that even is).  He still lives with his father, who works as some kind of medic in Karakura for those without connections that’ll get them fourth squad treatment.  He clearly has no love for the Shinigami, but just why is a mystery for now.  And Tatsuki?

Tatsuki is his cousin.  A distant one, but a cousin all the same.  They first met at the Shiba self-defence classes they’d both attended, and bonded nearly instantly since they were the only Shiba’s around the same age.  Which probably explains why she got a back seat in the memories – she was too much support to have around full time. 

Or at least, that’s the excuse he’s going to give her if she tries beating him up again from his bed over leaving her behind again.

* * *

For the next three days, Ichigo manages to maintain something resembling control.  He wakes up to his parents or sisters, spends the morning relearning how to walk, has lunch with a member of his family or whatever number of ‘friends’ manage to slip in, then spends the afternoon getting poked and prodded while the Fourth try to figure out how to ‘fix’ him.  Its frustrating, but he’s learning to get a handle on it.

Naturally, that means fate has other plans for him.  That afternoon, Unohana gives him the news he’d half suspected was coming.  The Shiba’s want to take him home, and now that he can walk unaided across the room without shortness of breath, Ichigo is stable enough for Unohana to agree.

At this point, Unohana is his one point of stability.  Normally, Ichigo hates spending time in the care of the Fourth, but it’s the only defence he has against the alien world outside.  The captain is reacting exactly how Ichigo expects her to, and doesn’t like the idea of leaving her sanctuary, and being forced to interact with the unfamiliar world outside.

To be fair, Kaien and his mother do at least seem to understand his predicament.  His mother brings him a plate of high grade sushi, and Kaien stays a respectful distance the whole time, only speaking to mention his sisters are decorating the house for his welcome home.  The Shiba’s had wanted a party, but they’d managed to talk them into delaying it, to which Ichigo will be forever grateful.

* * *

By the time they’ve made it from the Fourth to the Shiba compound, Ichigo is exhausted, ready to collapse on the ground.  He’s hanging on only through sheer force of will, because Kaien looks like he’s seconds away from trying to carry him over the threshold and is only holding back because Ichigo hasn’t stopped.

There are guards at the entrance, who pointedly look away as they walk inside, and Ichigo feels his mother’s hands on his shoulders, guiding him towards a large building.  It’s not familiar in any way, but his sisters are waiting by an open door with eager smiles.

“Welcome home Ichigo!” they both chime, hands thrown out to gesture towards the banners and haphazardly strewn about the room and hallways.  He’s reminded of the times his little sisters tried to decorate for his thirteenth, and can’t help the smile. 

“It’s great guys.  You did a great job.”

It’s his undoing, as Yuzu immediately grabs him up in a spinning hug.

“You like it!” she squeals.  “I thought we might have gone overboard but you really like it!”

“Yuzu!  Don’t overdo it like that!” Karin yelps, though Ichigo can see a glimpse of mischief in her eye.  She just wants Yuzu to let go so she can grab him instead.

“We were going to have a meal, but we weren’t sure you’d be up for it” Yuzu continues, setting Ichigo down.  “And everyone would have invited themselves along, so we thought it would be best to hold off for a bit.”

Karin is immediately on him as he’s released, looping her arm round his shoulders.

“Figure we’ll wait until you remember where everything is before having the big celebration” she says.  “That way you’ll know where to go when it gets too much.  You used to know all the best hiding spots.”

Yuzu claps her hands.  “Do you want the tour Ichigo?  We’ll show you every single room and see what you remember.”

Ichigo opens his mouth, but really doesn’t no how to refuse without sounding like an ass.  He knows he’ll have to learn the layout eventually, but for now, he kind of wants this place to stay alien.

Thankfully his mother sees his hidden panic and intervenes.

“Maybe it would be best if we let Ichigo rest for tonight” his mother offers.  “He’s still recovering.”

He thinks he loves her ten times more in that moment.  Unfortunately, it’s shattered when she continues with-

“Let’s show him his room.  That’s probably the best place to start.”

Ichigo pales.  He’d much rather sleep on the floor of this room, decorated with awful decorations than be faced with the room of the Ichigo this family remembers.  He doesn’t want to disappoint them with yet another thing he doesn’t remember.

Or worse…what if he _does_ remember it?

He feels Kaien’s hand on his shoulder, and he tenses up.  Kaien clearly feels it, because he looks utterly broken.  A moment later, the expression is gone, and Ichigo finds himself being steered towards the hall.

“That’s a good idea.  Come on kiddo, let see if we can’t knock some cobwebs loose.  We left it exactly as it was, so…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, but Ichigo dreads what’s probably going to be another disappointment for this family.

His room is just down the hall, and from the designs on the other doors, his sisters sleep on either side of him.  The door is no different than any other in the house, but Ichigo wishes Kaien wouldn’t open it.

When they open the door, Ichigo braces himself.  He has vague memories of his childhood bedroom, but he doubts this room will match up.  It’s a room that will be completely and utterly him, or at least, the him of this world.  Setting foot in it could change everything.

The door opens wide, and Ichigo takes in the bed, the furniture, the items strewn on display.

It’s alien.  There’s nothing here he recognises.  The bed, the shelves, the toys littering every surface– none of it is familiar or in remembrance to his room.  Not even the room he remembers having at eight years old.  Everything here belongs to a child Ichigo doesn’t remember ever being.

She’s trying to hide it, but Ichigo can tell his mother is disappointed at his reaction to his room.  It makes him feel like crap, but he can’t fake familiarity.  Kaien isn’t much better, grabbing at random items and babbling through how it came to be.

There’s nothing about this room that feels like home – every toy, every knickknack, Misaki and Kaien fumble through the pieces trying to dislodge something in his head, but Ichigo stays quiet.  No, he doesn’t remember diving into the lake for the green rock on the shelf, or the storybook his mother used to read him every night, or the names of the Shinigami dolls lining his dresser (though he admits, he does a double take when he learns the blonde one is called Shinji – do the Visored even exist here?)

Eventually, they accept defeat, leaving Ichigo to retire.  Masaki glances longingly between the bookshelf and Ichigo, but Kaien catches her eye and shakes his head.  She settles for kissing Ichigo on the forehead and stroking his hair back.

“Sweet dreams Ichigo” she whispers.  “Maybe things will feel better in the morning.”

When she pulls back, Kaien moves in.  It’s clear he wants to do the same, but hesitates when Ichigo’s hands clench in the sheets, and he settles for a hand ruffling Ichigo’s hair.

“See you tomorrow kiddo” he whispers.    “I’ll take you around the Shiba compound, get you reacquainted with everyone.  Family’s real excited to see you again.  Think you’ll be up for that?”

Ichigo gives a hesitant nod.

“I guess so.”

Kaien gives a half-hearted grin, and the two walk out of the room, heads turned so they don’t lose sight of Ichigo until they slide the door shut.  When it’s got less than an inch to go, Masaki hesitates.

“Would you like us to leave it ajar?  I don’t want you to wake up and panic because you don’t know where- “

“It’s fine” Ichigo insists.  “I’ll be fine with it closed.”

Masaki bites her lip, but complies.  A few moments later, he hears footsteps walking down the hall, and he slumps down on his bed.  It might look like they’re trusting him on his own, but Ichigo can hear someone fidgeting in the grass just outside his window, and he’s certain there’s a very reiatsu sensitive guard in the hall ready to move if Ichigo chooses to get up.  Meaning he’s swapped one leash for another, and just stews in his own thoughts, certain sleep won’t be quick to come after all the revelations of today.

It all makes a disturbing amount of sense.  His…’coma’ was meant to stimulate a need to grow, which meant making sure he had nobody to rely on.  Killing his mother would remove her and provide him the boost needed to kick start it, but Kaien…the dream versions were still similar to the original versions.  If the last few days were anything to go by, he’d never put his child in danger, so he had to go.  Replaced by Isshin, who was a lovable uncle but not what one would call responsible.  Making his sisters younger than him had just been the icing on the cake – everyone that mattered depended on him in every possible way, and his support network was non-existent.  Most of his friends were broken or alone – they had no support, orphans or victims of Ichigo’s powers and gave him even more to shoulder.  This world is…as scary as it is to say, doesn’t _need_ him the way his own did.  It just…wants him.  Or at least, a version of him that he’s pretty certain doesn’t exist anymore.  If it ever did.

He wonders just how long it’ll take them to realise that.

When he finally falls asleep, he dreams of a town he’s no longer certain exists, and prays he wakes up there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (thuds head) Dear god, but this was like pulling teeth. I had the opening two scenes and the final scene in the bag months ago. I just could not get them to connect. In the end, I basically attached scenes to battering rams and slammed it together. Enjoy.

_Ichigo is wandering towards the exit of the Seireitei that’ll take him into Karakura, using a stick to scratch random patterns into the ground. His sisters are off at school and Tatsuki is studying with her tutor so he’s bored. He wants to go to Karakura and play with his other friends, and his mother finally relented and let him out._

_The stick ‘clicks’ against one of the outer walls, and Ichigo starts walking alongside it, heading East, only for someone to step round a corner and block his way._

“ _There you are Shiba” says the man, dressed in Shinigami robes and glasses, a Lieutenant’s band round his arm._

_Ichigo looks up and smiles. He doesn’t know the man, but he’s seen him with his Dad before._

“ _Hello” Ichigo says. “Can I help you? I’m going to Karakura.”_

“ _All alone?” the Shinigami asks? “That’s very brave of you.”_

“ _I do it all the time” Ichigo boasts._

_The Shinigami smiles._

“ _Quite your father’s son aren’t you?” he says, and Ichigo basks at the compliment, not noticing how the man glances around the area, looking for possible witnesses._

“ _Actually I was looking for you young Shiba” he replies. “Your father sent me to find you. He wants you to come see him.”_

_Ichigo lights up._

“ _Really?”_

_The Shinigami nods, holding out his hand._

“ _Yes. He’s just outside Soul Society in my lab. There’s quite a few things he thought might interest you. Would you like to come?”_

_Ichigo steps forward, then hesitates, glancing at the street towards Karakura. He’s not supposed to go anywhere without first telling someone. Maybe he should head back and tell his mother first._

“ _If you don’t want to go, just say” the Shinigami says. “I’m afraid I do have to get back immediately.”_

_Ichigo frowns, then turns back, grabbing the Shinigami’s hand._

_It’ll be fine. The Shinigami knows his Dad, he’s wearing a Lieutenant band, and Ichigo knows he’s seen him around. His Dad will get him back before his mother even realises he’s gone. Maybe he’ll still have time to see Chad and the others later._

“ _What’s your name?” Ichigo asks as they walk down the street._

“ _Oh, I’m Lieutenant Aizen” the Shinigami replies. “I’m sure we’re going to become **good** friends.”_

* * *

Ichigo gasps, jerking out of bed and reaching for a sword that doesn’t exist. It takes several moments to recognise he’s in his bedroom, moonlight shining through the window on a stranger’s knick knacks. He stares at it all with incomprehension, before curling in on himself, fisting one hand into his hair.

What the hell had that been? A dream? A memory? Some strange version of both?

He doesn’t get much sleep after that.

* * *

It’s been 3 months since Ichigo woke up in this warped reality, and the only thing that has gotten even remotely easier is walking. Unohana had finally announced him as healthy as she could make him, and the Shiba family seemed to be of the impression that this meant Ichigo would happily slot into wherever he’d left off before he disappeared.

Ichigo was used to people having expectations for him. He was decidedly **not** used to meeting them.

But he was equally unused to not having the power to fight those expectations. And since this world is not showing signs of vanishing any time soon, that’s something he needs to change before his brain tries to crawl out of his skin.

So first things first, martial arts and the sword. If he can start feeling more comfortable in his own skin, maybe everything else will follow.

However-

“Absolutely out of the question” Masaki insists, when he tries to bring up the idea at breakfast. The starch refusal takes him by surprise.

“Why not?” he asks over the table. “Wasn’t I already going to the defence classes?”

Masaki bites her lip and busies herself with her plate.

“Yes, but you never really enjoyed them” she says with a forced smile. “It’s probably best if we put them on the back burner for a while.”

Kaien frowns.

“Masaki, it might be worth consid-”

He clams up as the woman swings a glare at him, and picks up his chopsticks. At his submission, Masaki’s shoulders relax.

“You can go back eventually, if you want. Just wait a few years until you’re more...settled? Maybe a decade to play it safe.”

“A decade?” Ichigo yelps.

“Aww, it’s not as long as it sounds Ichi” Karin says with a smile. “It’ll pass before you know it.”

“I thought you wanted me to readjust” Ichigo tries. “Shouldn’t I go back to my old schedule?”

Yuzu giggles. “I never thought I’d see you _beg_ to go to the self defence classes. Dad used to have to drag you to them.”

Ichigo scowls. “What about the sword?”

Masaki’s face drops.

“Ichigo please! We just got you back, can’t we enjoy that? There’s no need to rush into anything. You’re still just a boy.”

Ichigo chokes down the roar screaming to deny it. He’s failing miserably, and he wont prove them right by having a tantrum at the breakfast table.

Instead, he shoves his chair back, and storms for the door, heading for the outer garden. He hears his mother call his name, but ignores it, for her own good.

He needs to scream and throw things for a while, and his mother doesn’t deserve that.

* * *

Kaien watches as he son flees their very presence with a sinking depression. Next to him, Masaki looks devastated, half out of her chair as the boy vanishes. The twins catch each other’s eyes, and as one, stand to leave.

“You know, I think we might just head to the Academy early” Karin offers.

“Yup. Sounds like you need to have a talk and we need to...not be here” Yuzu adds, before vanishing into the hallway, sister right behind her, leaving their parents to the tense silence.

“The sword might not be a bad idea” Kaien tries to offer. “If you don’t want him to leave the house unattended too often, I could-”

“No” Masaki interrupts, voice firm. “No fighting. It’s not right.”

“...We’re going to struggle if we don’t give him any way to defend himself” Kaien warns. “People will expect us to be tripling his training, not lowering it. And getting back to his regular schedule could help him fit back in with-”

“He’s not doing it to fit in Kaien” Masaki argues. “He’s doing it to cling to his delusion. Our Ichigo never cared about fighting.”

Her husband sighs.

“Then we need to find something that he loves in this world that he loved in that one” Kaien replies. “Give it value here. You and the girls are too close – he keeps expecting Yuzu and Karin to be younger, and as much as he loves that you’re _alive_ , you’re fighting with him a lot right now.”

Masaki winces. “I’m only trying to protect him...”

“I know” Kaien insists. “And so does Ichigo, sort of. We just need an approvable outlet. One that’s familiar, but not to the point where we’re going backwards.”

Masaki nods, but her eyes are furrowed in thought. It’s a look that hasn’t left by the time Kaien leaves for his squad, and he hopes she has more success than he’s had in figuring out the key to getting through their son’s walls.

* * *

Near the centre of the Shiba compound is a garden with a huge willow tree as it’s main feature. The branches hang thick and low, to the point where it all but blocks out the compound when you push through to the trunk. Ichigo discovered the place after his first tour with Kaien, and it’s here he comes when he needs to erupt. While it couldn’t be further apart from the image of his inner world, there’s something about the place that reminds him of Zangetsu and his hollow.

He’s had to come here so many times in the last few weeks. It’s clear his mother and Kaien wants him to be the little boy she remembers, and even if he had memories of this place, that’s never happening. His sisters aren’t as bad, although they seem to take his newfound ‘maturity’ with amusement.

Everything is still unfamiliar, but at the same time, he’s seen nothing to suggest it’s not real. Surely by this point, Kisuke or Urahara or Shinji or _someone_ would have found a way to break him out or get him a message. The longer it goes on, the more frustrated he gets. The weird, random not-memories that have started to crop up when he sleeps aren’t helping either.

He smashes his fists into the bark. He paces the circle as runs hands through his hair, he screams into the branches, and when the raw anger fades, he drops into a crook in the trunk and watches the wind blow the heavy branches to and fro.

In the distance he can feel his bodyguard, a man called Shiba Ryo settle in to his standard corner. Ichigo hasn’t spoken to him much, but Ryo has never once trespassed on him when he enters this sanctuary – so long as Ichigo doesn’t try to use it to sneak away, the man trusts Ichigo with his privacy. It’s a gesture that Ichigo dearly treasures – if he can’t have his privacy, he’ll take the illusion.

So he’s a little surprised when he hears someone pushing through the branches, calling out his name.

“Ichigo! Ichigoooo! Are you in there?”

“...Tatsuki?” Ichigo calls back, and the leaves are pushed back to reveal the short haired girl clambering through, grinning in delight.

“I knew I’d find you here” she says, striding over and plunking down beside him. “This was always your favourite place to hide.”

Ichigo blinks, glancing back up at the branches.

“Really?”

“Yeah. You always loved this tree. Don’t you remember?”

He shook his head. There were no willow trees in Karakura.

Tatsuki pouts at the lack of reply, but quickly recovers.

“Your mother’s been looking for you” she continues. “She asked if I’d take you to Karakura today to see the orphanage.”

“Wait. I’ve got permission to leave the grounds?” Ichigo gasps.

Tatsuki nods. “Well, you have to bring your bodyguard, but yeah. Rukia’s coming with a chaperone too. Your mother knows we’ll never let anything happen to you, and everyone wants to show you around again. So what do you say?”

Ichigo blinks and turns his attention to the ground. On the one hand, it’s seeing familiarity in all the wrong places. On the other, he can **get out** of the Shiba buildings.

“Well? Do you want to or not?” Tatsuki asks.

Ichigo looks up at the swaying branches, thinks about what he’s heard of this world’s ‘Karakura,’ the compound he’s currently caged in, and stands up.

“Sure. Why not.”

* * *

Ichigo had never really spent much time in the districts outside of the Seireitei, on the grounds that there’d never been much point. But Karakura is so utterly bizarre his head head is spinning.

Architecturally, its the same as most of the higher districts, with the same ancient Japanese style lining the streets. But the building names, the street routes, the odd park – it almost feels like the Karakura he knew was overlapped with Kyoto’s Studio Park. Everything looks familiar, just several hundred years out of date. He keeps having double takes at people in the street – everyone looks familiar.

As such, he’s not all that surprised that the Karakura ‘Orphanage’ Tatsuki is directing him too is situated where Ichigo swears the high school is supposed to be. It’s a much smaller building, but the noise and number of inhabitants isn’t far off. When he, Rukia and Katsuki make it to the door, they’re rushed by kids of all ages, but Renji is shoving them out of the way, with Chad and Orihime following in his wake.

“Ichigo!” Orihime greets. “You finally came back!”

“Uh, yeah” Ichigo greets. “So this is where you live?”

Renji grins. “Might not look like much compared to your noble ass, but it’s damn better than the lower districts, that’s for sure.”

“I bet” Ichigo said, trying to glance into the halls. In the distance he can hear laughter.

“Everyone’s in the garden right now” Orihime announces. “We were playing Shinigami vs Hollow before you arrived. Want to join in?”

Ichigo winces.

“Uh, maybe no-”

“Yes!” Rukia squeals. “Big brother Byakuya’s been teaching me how to do a sending, I’ll totally win this time.”

“What! No Fair!” Renji howls. “Handicaps for the nobles!”

Rukia grins. “Don’t be jealous Renji, you can be on my team!”

This appeases the redhead somewhat, and the two rush down the hall, while Orihime claps her hands and grins at Tatsuki.

“You can be on my team Tatsuki.”

“Great!” Tatsuki agrees. “You can stick with Chad, right Ichigo?”

Ichigo glances between them.

“Actually, I’m not sure I’m up for playing-”

“You should join in young Shiba” Rukia’s guard interrupts. “It would be good for you to regain experience with your peers.”

Ichigo scowls at him. At least his guard has the decency to look embarrassed.

Unfortunately, Tatsuki takes the older man’s declaration as gospel.

“Yay!, Chad remember to tell him the rules!” Tatsuki hollers, grabbing Orihime’s hand and running off, leaving him with a hoard of other children and little idea what was happening.

* * *

Shiba Ryo has nothing but respect for the head of his family. Kaien is strong, loyal and a great father. When the young Ichigo had vanished, he’d been one of the first guards to head out on the search. He openly admits to being astonished when the young boy had turned up alive, and that’s probably why he agreed to taking on the bodyguarding role when Kaien had been looking for guards willing to take on the job.

Much like the rest of the family, Ryo dearly hopes that Ichigo will recover to the point that Kaien and Masaki stop looking like they’re fighting a war every day, but he’s not sure this is the way to go about it. Masaki had sounded so excited when the idea had come to her – Ichigo remembered his friends, and his one interaction with all of them had been positive. Perhaps time with them will help Ichigo re assimilate to the real world.

Ryo doubted it, but bit his tongue because while the idea was poor, getting Ichigo out of the Shiba grounds could only be beneficial. The kid was going to hurt someone if he didn’t get more freedom from his leash. While he keeps the tolerant distance Ichigo requests, he’s seen the boy punch his favourite willow tree far too much in recent days.

It’s not that it wasn’t a bad idea. Ichigo does genuinely like his friends, and enough of his memories overlap to make interaction comfortable. There’s just one problem. While they might be some incarnation of his friends. They’re also _children._

If what Ryo understands about Ichigo’s dream-life, his friends understood battle. Understood war and pressure and social requirements that come standard with puberty. These souls, while they understand hunger and having nothing, are living semi-comfortable lives at a much lower maturity rate. They want to play, and laugh and giggle at things they don’t understand, and as much as Ichigo could handle that in small doses with his sisters-

It’s clear by the third round of ‘Shinigami-vs-Hollow,’ Ichigo’s ready to climb the walls. He likes company, but he also likes his solitude, and there’s only so much interaction he can take before he needs some me time. Especially when all that interaction is with little kids who don’t seem to understand why Ichigo doesn’t find their games as fun as he used to. Perhaps it would have been better for the kids to explore the district rather than remaining held up in the orphanage, where recreation is so strictly monitored, but that wasn’t Ryo’s call to make.

At least he seems to have found a place to calm down – he’s climbed a tree and is watching the chaos below. Hopefully after a few minutes, Ryo’s ward will be back on the ground, but he’ll give him a moment to collect himself.

Although the friend currently climbing the trunk of the tree might affect that result...

* * *

The hospital visit had blinded him. Karakura, for all it’s familiarity is not the home he knows, and his friends are not the people he trusts with his life. They’re still at the testing phase – so young that Ichigo’s pretty certain he could fall out of their life and eventually be forgotten so long as he devoted himself to pulling away. Even if they held onto the friendship while indisposed, he’s matured to the point where he has little to talk to them about.

He sighs as the kids run underneath the branch, never once looking up. It’s not like he can blame them – Ichigo’s just never had the time to be a kid in a long time. He almost feels guilty, considering what **his** Renji and Rukia’s childhoods were like, they would have probably given an arm to be this carefree growing up.

At least their complacency means Ichigo can hide in peace. None of them have even glanced his way.

Actually scratch that. All except Chad, whose at the bottom of the tree staring upwards. Ichigo just stares back, until Chad starts climbing up towards him.

Well...Chad is Chad. A little younger than he remembers, and a little less mature, but he’s still Chad. One on one, his younger friends are tolerable, he can live with the company.

When Chad makes it to the branch, he sits by Ichigo’s side, and for a few minutes, joins him in watching the other children play in the garden.

“Do you know how we first met?” Chad asks, and Ichigo glances in his direction.

“I remember a fight” he replies. “But I’m guessing not the same one.”

Chad nods. “It wasn’t long after I was brought to Karakura. I look different, and a lot of people didn’t like it. I don't...I try not to fight back unless it's to defend someone else, and a lot of the kids thought I was an easy mark.  You defended me, even got punched a bit because of it. Your parents wouldn’t let you come back for weeks. I thought I’d never see you again. But then you came back, and dragged me to see the others. You wouldn’t leave me alone.”

Ichigo smiles, but frowns when Chad looks at him with a serious expression.

“I don’t want to leave you alone” Chad continues. “But you’re not happy here. You’re not the Ichigo I remember, you sped forward too quickly.”

He breaks eye contact and looks down at the game.

“If we can’t be what you need, maybe you need to look elsewhere” Chad continues. “Find someone who understands what it’s like. Then maybe we can remake our friendship, into something you need now.”

Ichigo gives a mirthless chuckle.

“That’s easier said than done Chad. Where exactly am I going to find someone whose age doesn’t match his-”

He cuts himself off as he realises what he’s saying.

God. He is an _idiot._ Why the hell didn’t he think of that before!

“You’ve thought of someone?” Chad asks.

“If he exists here, then yeah” Ichigo replies. “I need to go to the Tenth Division.”

He leans his head out, and frowns at the bodyguards. “Wonder if I can talk Ryo into taking me.”

Chad glances in his bodyguard’s direction, then shifts his body slightly. Ichigo isn’t sure what he’s doing – until he realises the much larger boy is hiding Ichigo’s frame from Ryo’s sight.

“If you shuffle down the tree and head round the building, you can make it back into the Seireitei” Chad offers. “Maybe you can get to that person.”

Ichigo stares at his friend, before his shoulders sag and he drops forward, giving an awkward bow.

“No matter what the world, you always have my back, don’t you Chad” he laughs. “Thank you.”

The boy shrugs, but he’s smiling with his eyes, and Ichigo slips behind him, shuffling down the trunk and staying out of site.

He figures it’ll take his bodyguard less than five minutes before he realises his ward had vanished. Which isn’t a lot, but should give him just enough of a head start to make it back into Soul Society and get to Squad 10. He just hopes the Shinigami he dearly wants to see isn’t too busy to talk.

Because if there is _anyone_ in this reality that can understand his situation, it’s Hitsugaya Toshiro.

* * *

Although his memories of the Seireitei’s layout is definitely flawed, its primary outer construction is just accurate enough that he makes good headway. Part of him wonders if he should be more sneaky than running through the streets, but he’s short, and the crowd makes a better distraction that trying to master stealth.

Oh, does the miss the days where he could have just flash stepped over the roofs and been there in seconds, but his one experimental test of that a few weeks ago had him utterly destroying a wall and giving his bodyguard a minor stroke on top of losing his outdoor privileges for two days. Until someone teaches – well, _reteaches,_ him the basics, he’s stuck on the ground for now.

Thankfully they don’t have guards at the Squad entrances, so he doesn’t have to find a way to sneak over the wall, and while he rarely visited Toshiro and Rangiku at their working space, most of the main buildings in the Seireitei have the same general layout. As such, finding his way to the Captain’s office doesn’t take much effort.

Admittedly, he’s not even sure if Toshiro **is** a Captain in this world. He’s not even sure if Toshiro exists, but there’s one way to find out. If he’s not a Captain, the Captain should be able to tell him where to find the Shinigami that was far older than his body suggested.

Although that was also assuming that Toshiro hadn’t had a dramatic growth spurt while he was in the coma too.

When he reaches the door, he only hesitates for a brief moment, before pushing it open, not even bothering to knock.

“Hey, Toshiro, I’m-”

He trails off, because it’s not Toshiro at the desk. It’s someone far more familiar, whose eyes widen in shock at Ichigo’s arrival.

“Ichigo?”

“...Goat Face?”

* * *

“So your wife is still holding firm regarding self defence?”

Kaien sighs and nods as he finishes signing a form and tosses it into his finished pile. “I don’t know, I could overrule her – most of the Shiba’s agree he should be at least relearning the basics, but she’s been a wreck. There’s no point in getting Ichigo stable if Masaki deteriorates in the process. And I see her point, he’s still something of a flight risk.”

He all but growls the last sentence out, sitting back and running his hand through his hair. A flight risk. His own **son,** no less **.** How did it get to this point?

It’s a testament to how awesome his captain is that Ukitake just watches him with pity rather than frustration. The man has had a front row seat to every miniscule update regarding Ichigo’s condition, and hasn’t once chided his Lieutenant for venting. Kaien doesn’t know what he’d do without this outlook – he really needs to do something to thank him for it.

With great reluctance, the man leans forward and picks up the next request form, though he’s barely reading it as he continues.

“I want my son back Captain” he admits. “When Unohana told me he was waking up, I was walking on air. Then he woke up and looked at me like a stranger. We have to spend every minute watching him to make sure we don’t get a repeat of what happened at the hospital - he keeps trying to slip away. Not that we think he’d try again but...”

He all but stabs his signature on the parchment and throws it at the pile.

“I want things back the way they were! I want the little boy who smiled and jumped into my arms when I came home. Who followed Masaki like a duckling and watched his sisters practice kido and played tag with his friends. Not this...enemy prisoner who keeps acting like we’re all going to gut him in his sleep.”

“Kaien, that is never going to happen” Ukitake consoled him. “Even if it was a lie, your son has spent half his life in another reality, being forced to confront things that no child should have to. He can’t just forget that, even if he wanted to. Of course he’s apprehensive, how could he not be?”

His lieutenant downed his drink and set it down. “Yeah, intellectually I _know_ that, but…I can’t even get close to him any more. Aizen, that bastard – I wasn’t even part of his life in that coma. I was replaced, and not even well. He lets Masaki and the girls hug him and treat him like family, and I’m just left in the cold.

His Captain gave him a sad smile.

“Have strength Kaien. Of course his walls are strong. He’s your son after all.”

Kaien gave a bitter smile.

“I know. I just wish I could get him to realise that too.”

At that point, the door bursts open, revealing a panicked man in a Shiba guard uniform.

“Lord Shiba, Ryo has lost track of Ichigo.”

Kaien lunges to his feet.

“What” he growls. “How long ago?”

“Only a few minutes, and he’s got the trail” the man insists, backing away with his hands up. “But he’s worried about where he’s heading.”

“Where?” Kaien’s Captain interrupts. “Aizen’s lab?”

“The Tenth Division” the Shiba corrects.

Kaien’s eyes widen.

Isshin. Ichigo hasn’t seen him since he woke up. They’d been too worried given how much Ichigo was struggling with the rest of his life to try re-introducing his false-father to the mix. Even Unohana had agreed that keeping the boy away until he was more mentally stable would be in his best interests.

He turns to his Captain, who is already waving him to go.

“Why are you even still here, go!” Ukitake orders, and Kaien flees out the door.

He doesn’t know why Ichigo is running to Isshin, but it can’t possibly end well.

* * *

It’s Goat Face. Kurosaki Isshin – or well, Shiba Isshin now, Ichigo realises. He’s here. He’s a Captain.

...And he’s looking at Ichigo the same way a plus looks at a hollow.

“Shit, Ichigo...” he gasps, eyes frantically darting around the doorway, as if hoping to find someone else following behind him. “What are you doing here?”

“I...” Ichigo can’t quite put the words together. Why is he here again?

Isshin grimaces, and stands, walking towards Ichigo. The boy stiffens, half expecting an attack or crazy hug...only for the man to give him a wide berth, trying to slip out the door without touching him.

“You...wait right here” he says. “I’ll go...call someone.”

“Wait, Goat Face?” Ichigo asks. “Dad?”

Ichigo jerks back as Isshin does a full body flinch and all but throws himself out the door.

“S-stay there Ichigo” he repeats with forced laughter. “Let your uncle ah...figure this out.”

“Goat Face, wait!”

The man ignores him, bolting down the hall, Ichigo’s arm outstretched in a failed attempt to catch him.

“Goat Face, Dad!” Ichigo screams.

The man turns a corner and vanishes, leaving Ichigo screaming at nothing. He suddenly realises how hard he’s breathing, and how little seems to be making it to his lungs, and staggers against the wall.

Isshin is here.

Isshin is not his father.

Except Isshin **is** his father. He might not have been the best example of fatherhood but he was Ichigo’s! Yet this version wants nothing to do with him. Fled his very presence as if Ichigo’s existence was repellent to him.

It’s the first time anyone in this world hasn’t been the same. Everyone else is off just enough to be weird, but they’re all still...them. Why is Isshin running away?

Why isn’t Isshin his father?

...Wasn’t he good enough? He’d done everything he’d asked the first time around, he’d fought, and trained and performed the Final Getsuga Tenshou all at Isshin’s request…

Why isn’t Isshin here? His father should, be, **here!**

“Hey there little guy, are you lost?”

Ichigo’s head swings back to see the random Shinigami reaching for him, the kind expression on his face fading to something far more serious. He hand immediately reaches for Ichigo’s shoulder.

“Are you okay-”

He shoves the arm away, and runs down the hall, heading for the exit. By the time he’s out the building and fleeing the compound, he’s not even paying attention to where he’s going – and smashes straight into someone just as he reaches the street.

“Shit, sorry I-” he chokes, shuddering and trying to move past, only to find the stranger’s hands clamped on his shoulders.

“...Ichigo?”

He freezes. No. Of _all_ the Shinigami he could run into – his luck can’t be that shitty.

But when he raises his head, it’s still Kaien standing over him, worry written all over his face.

His throat is tight, he can barely breath, and he knows his face is flushed. As he takes in the boy, it’s clear Kaien can see it too, because his eyes narrow, and Ichigo gasps as the Lieutenant picks him up, flash-stepping away from the building and hopping over the roofs.

Ichigo wants to scream at him to let him go, but he can’t get the words out. He settles for smashing a fist on Kaien’s chest, hiding his face in the back fabric.

A few moments later, Kaien drops back to the ground in a dead end, free of people, and Ichigo starts kicking, ripping out of Kaien’s hold and falling to the dirt. It’s still hard to breath, but he grits his teeth when he feels Kaien’s hand settle on his back.

“Close your eyes, and take deep breaths Ichigo” the man offers. “There’s no one around, you’re safe here.”

It’s not bad advice – and within a minute, he’s starting to feel his breathing get back under control. The panic attack, though quick, had probably been a long time coming. Behind him, Kaien rubbed soothing circles on his back.

His hands clench into fists in the ground, and he squeezes his eyes shut so tight it almost hurts. When it’s clear he’s mostly recovered, Kaien asks a painful question.

“Why did you go to see Isshin?”

He sounds almost betrayed, and Ichigo finds himself spewing out excuses.

“I didn’t” he mumbles. “I was looking for Toshiro. He-I thought-he would...forget it.”

“...Ichigo?”

“I hate this” he finally chokes out, angry that the words are raspy and choked. “I hate all of this! I want to go _home_.”

The hand on his back stills, and Ichigo risks glancing up to see the man in shutter his eyes for a brief moment, shoulders sagging as if carrying enormous weight.

“I can take you back to the main house if-”

“You know what I mean!” Ichigo screams, pulling himself to his feet and away from Kaien’s grasp. “This isn’t right! None of this is right. It’s a nightmare and I can’t wake up. Why wont you all just go away!”

Kaien’s hands clench into fists.

“How can you say that” he whispers. “A nightmare? Was Aizen’s...hell fantasy really that much better than here? Your mother dead, your siblings completely dependent on you, the fate of the world on your shoulders? Constantly fighting day after day in a war you should have had no part in? Is that what you want back?”

“Shut up” Ichigo growls.

“No” Kaien says right back. “I wont stand here and let you say those things. You’re scared, and confused, and trying to make sense of something that terrifies you, but we’re here for you Ichigo. Just, let us in, help me understand. I’m your father-”

“Don’t say that!” Ichigo screams. “You’re **not** my Dad!”

Kaien flinches as if he’d been stabbed, and an icy pool of guilt started to flood Ichigo’s stomach. He bites it down and turns away to leave, run out like he had far too many times this week, when a hand clamps around his arm and yanked him back round.

“Hey!-“

Whatever he’d planned to say died in his throat when he found Kaien kneeled in front of him, eyes narrow and expression cold. His other arm grabbed Ichigo’s shoulder and dragged him close.

“Listen to me Ichigo” said the Lieutenant of Squad Thirteen, voice unyielding. “I **am** your father. You can yell and scream and deny it all you want, but that fact **isn’t** going to change. I know this still doesn’t feel real to you. I know it’s easier to keep pretending, but I am **not** going away, no matter how you push.”

His grip relaxed, and he gives a sad smile.

“People keep telling me I need to give you time, and I’m _trying_. But it’s hard to come home and see you with our family, and then turn and look at me like I’m a stranger. You’re not even trying to get to know me.”

“I don’t know you” Ichigo mumbles, eyes dropping to his feet, and Kaien sighs.

“Yes, we both know that. So can’t we meet somewhere in the middle here? You’re not getting rid of me, so whatever you need me to do to prove that, I’ll do it. Just, give me something to work with here Ichigo” Kaien pleads. “Anything.”

That pool is now a full on reservoir, and Ichigo can feel his eyes start to water. He blinks furiously, trying to cut it off at the pass. He doesn’t even understand – why does he feel so guilty at four honest words in the face of Kaien’s reply?

It spikes when he looks up, so he keeps his eyes on the ground. On his arms he can feel Kaien’s hands tremble, and freezes when the grip vanishes and feels the man move forward, embracing him in a loose hug.

“For what it’s worth, I hate this too” Kaien whispers. “You’re right here, you’re in my _arms_ , but you’ve never been further away from me.”

* * *

Wrapped in a hug from the world’s most familiar stranger, Ichigo feels the reality of the situation seep in to his bones.

...He can’t keep doing this.

Even if this world is fake, even if Ichigo has no way to prove whose reality is right, he can’t keep destroying the people around him. Kaien...cares. Cares in a way that Goat Face didn’t. Ichigo can play the part around his mother and sister because he can see the women he left behind in them, but Kaien...he has no reference point. Nothing from back home to see in him.

If he starts caring, Kaien will be the one thing in this world he cares about that isn’t back home. It’ll be the first step in saying goodbye – admitting that _this_ world is the right one.

He’s not ready to do that. But when has the world, any world, ever cared about whether Ichigo is _ready_ for the crap it throws at him.

Suddenly, an idea flickers in his mind. A compromise. One Kaien wont like but…

...He did say _anything..._

“The sword” Ichigo whispers.

Kaien blinks at the reply, and Ichigo steels himself before pulling himself out of the embrace, looking his...father, in the eye.

“Sword lessons” he says. “You want to get to know me? Teach me the sword. Help me get...something, back.”

“Ichi, you’re really too-”

“Not mentally” Ichigo interrupts. “And if you don’t give them to me, I _will_ find a way to teach myself, so...”

He sighs, and drops into a bow.

“Please...please let me have this.”

For several long seconds, Kaien is silent, and Ichigo feels dread curl into his stomach, before the other man sighs and stands.

“Your mother is not going to like this” he warns. “But if you’re that set on it, I’ll be your teacher.”

Ichigo lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding, and wavers on his feet.

This time, when Kaien ducks down and grabs him again, he doesn’t flinch. Instead, he lets himself relax, and smiles.

“Thank you.”

When Kaien smiles back, Ichigo tries not to think too hard about why the pool in his stomach has suddenly vanished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Ichigo learned his father was a captain, but I don't remember (and couldn't find evidence) that Ichigo knew what division. Also, even if he did, the Tenth has always been 'Toshiro's Squad' and he had a bit of tunnel vision going.


End file.
